Home again

Well, we survived it...

We got up and out of Ohio in the early hours; it was a beautiful foggy morning in the heartland. But, we were definitely ready to get home...

On the way, we saw more huge flags; that's Ohio. The moment was made when Bob Seger came on the radio - isn't he much more 'real' than John Mellancamp or Bruce Springsteen...

Anyway, it all started to make sense when we passed through Findlay, OH - FLAG CITY USA... that's what they claim, at least.

As my good friend Tamm-e would remind all of us, OH is shaped like grannie's underwear; after you have that fact in mind, every Highway sign becomes a great laugh opportunity; much appreciated.

Roadkill:
Plastic Shopping Cart - totally blown out
Racoons

We stopped about 4 miles short of home for lunch at our favorite restaurant in MI, Godaiko; they thought I was a little crazy when we told them we'd driven over 5,700 miles to eat there!!

Last fuel stop:
279 miles
36.11 gallons
$78.33
2.169/gallon
7.73 mpg

TOTAL FUEL NIGHTMARE:
5713 miles
747.08 gallons
$2006.49
7.65 avg mpg - total shit!!

Here's what we'd like to ride in the future, and it's deisel (which is bio for us) and gets 22 mpg... who knows, maybe for our next adventure http://www.airstream.com/product_line/touring_coaches/interstate_home.html

We're happy to be home, thankful to be here safe, happy to be out of that piece of shit, and thankful for all the friendship and well wishes.

Here's a shot of the Buffalo Hide; for right now, he's keeping the couch warm...

Extremes:

NORTH: Munsining, MI

SOUTH: Hot Springs, AR

EAST: Commerce, MI

WEST: Las Vegas, NV

VANITY PLATES:

SIMON P

MCBPGM

BTTMS UP

KEYS

NOVI FD

INOT

CK 17

Keep in touch, we'll go back live on this blog for our future adventures; here's a preliminary itinerary:
12/06 Belize - Honeymoons revisited
12/06-01/07 Amsterdam - New Years
07/07 Scotland - Castle

Love to all!

Harve petrastella@gmail.com
Marge etzlanu@gmail.com

500 miles EXACTLY...

from Days Inn (or whatever) to KOA Kampsite...

What a day it was - out on the road the weather was much better, and while I wouldn't say there was storm damage, there were a few places we noticed the rain had really hit.

A few notes left out of yesterday's post:

There is a Scott Hamilton Drive in Little Rock - isn't that precious?

Maybelline, L'Oreal and Remington all had huge factories within 10 miles of each other in Arkansas - what does that say... lipstick and bullets, just missing cigarettes (tobacco fields nearby, no doubt)

Fuel:
331 miles
43.052 gallons
$101.99
2.369/gallon
7.69 mpg

Live:
Heron

Roadkill:
No idea - possible razorback
Armadillo - many
Deer
Racoon
Possum
2 bags of Laundry

So, back to today; there was of course a
fuel stop...
257 miles
34.576 gallons
$78.11
2.259/gallon
7.43 mpg - not getting any better...

There are an amazing amount of Dinosaur Museums and Dinosaur Exhibits here in the Bible Belt, and I find that kind of confusing. Isn't the dinosaur kinda like the Evolution Poster child; doesn't it pretty much insist that the world is a little more than 6000 years old (don't the Chinese and Egyptian Dynasties do that as well)?

Anyway, these folks are in love with Jesus and Dinosaurs - both; and don't forget are gravidly obese on top of this. I think that's a little twisted, but I'm just a tourist...

We crossed the 5K mile mark today - wow! It was somewhere around there that we also listened to the horrible 5$ CDs I bought at the C-Store yesterday - all I can say to that is please rent the DVD of The Eyes of Laura Mars - really bad from the past - if you've never seen it. It's Faye Dunaway, Tommy Lee Jones and some sick 70s disco... totally worth it.

So, we needed to stop for lunch, but I of course had conveniently forgotten it would be Sunday brunch down here in the belt - Marge was looking for anything other than the fast food offerings, so we found ourselves at a Cracker Barrel. More like Crack-ass Barrel... how depressing... this place makes quaint poverty and backwoods ignorance; it doesn't strike me as amusing or quaint since we had just spent days driving through it. Add to that the waitresses response to my request for a beer - "this is a family restaurant"... what does that mean, I can get in debt, beat the kids, screw around on the wife in here, but not drink... If I had had my clergy identification on me, I would've preached to her about her sins.... we just ate up and left.

Back on the road... a long way to go. We had set our sights south of Cincinatti, but first we hoped to visit Mammoth Cave.

We checked the website last night and found out there was a self-guided tour for about 3/4ths of a mile - that's what we like, so we added that in the plan. After some incredibly poorly signed roads getting to the Visitor's Center, we find out that you can only do the self-guided tour if and when every other tour sells out...

Excuse me? It doesn't say anything of the sort in the guide or on the website. Apparently, the only way you can avoid paying a ranger to tour you is if they are all overworked, the park is overcrowded and of course, there is no access or parking... C0nsider this one more NP disapppointment and we'll call it Mammoth Bullshitty Waste of My Time Cave... you can tell the Park Service is in support of the administration - it's filled with doe-face folks with nice accents who keep on telling you that the lie they are telling you is the truth - gosh!!

We walked into the cave as far as we could before some ex-Boy Scout closed the door on us - the ticketless... that's a view back out the Historic Entrance.

Out, back on the road, and I am ready to get the "Fucky out of Kentucky!" I have no need to re-visit Arkansas, Tennessee or Kentucky. Hopefully the kudzu will win and the entire area will get "Day of the Kudzu"'d... http://www.alabamatv.org/kudzu/

Looking at the KOA guide, we decided to hit Ohio and shoot for the Dayton area - a longer drive than we expected, but away from KY and closer to home... Going through Cincinatti, I could not get WKRP - where's my Venus Flytrap?

Ohio is noteworthy for having huge cranes flying even larger US flags by the side of the road... And, for the gaudiest and largest Jesus yet - although we were told about Hell and Jesus and the Lord a lot today.

Another gas stop - you can't drive 500 miles without one...
265 miles
33.871 gallons
$76.85
2.269/gallon
7.82 mpg - at least a little better...

Made it to Dayton, got to the KOA - very nice, we think a contender for KOA of the Year. They have fabulous mini-golf, so we hit the links. They were covered with a lot of detritus from last night's storm, but we played on... In a keen act of foresight, we fought off potential malarial influences with lashings of Gin and Tonics... Marge beat me, again... She shot 47 on a 54 par, I shot 50. That's 18 holes.

We rewarded ourselves with Ice Cream Treats and headed back to our last night in this shit box. I will be glad to get home, and to dump this piece of shit unit.

Roadkill:

Toaster - guessing Sunbeam

Armadillo - lots

Skunk

Racoon

Possum

Green Neon Slinky

Nutria

Coyote

Ottoman and Pillow

Bolster

House-cat

Chair

Live:

Deer

Vanity Plates: yesterday and today, but OH was the key

HUNNY

MR JDY

PRESLI

SFAX JR

EDNOLB

CAH MCP

STIFF

RDP FOP

GO PAKRS

NUMBR 19

HOG RDR

BRUMET

DPP 2

FAT VET

I LUV BMW

UCBIGD

N8EMO

MOUSUMI

CATCARE

CIESTA K

ASIS

VINA

MEADHBB

FAVRED

KB 2000

NISMO 4X

PT 4 KIM

STEAMR

Track: I Want Candy by BowWowWow and Sister Christian by Nightranger (never the same since Boogie Nights...)

That's me and I'm out - Harve

Rain, and Hail and Howling Winds...

they did stay this courier...

we pulled out early enough and seemed to have survived the tornado watch overnight in Hot Springs... the sun was shining, so we headed out.

After a little while on the road, we pulled over at a Harley Store and to have lunch. By the time we got outside again, it looked ominous.

We drove on, but were fighting a firehose within a few miles... after risking it for a while, we pulled off to call Steve and Judy, our National Weather service, who said it looked pretty bad, just about where we were.

So, we headed into a Motel 6 here in Jackson, TN, and waited out the storm. There were indeed Tornado and Severe Thunderstorm watches, so we made the best of it. That meant hanging out in a room that smells like a strawberry douche, and watching TV, and sleeping. We did take a dinner trip to the convenience store across the street for some Baskin Robbins a nd Coronas.

Now we are up and ready to go, but have a longer drive even. We've set our sights on a midday stop at Mammoth Cave, KY. Then, onward to around Cincinnati, OH to spend the night. That puts us about a half day's drive to home on Monday.

Since this is the first real weather conundrum we've hit, we can't complain...

Gotta dash, we'll try to hit you later. Thanks to Ball o' Confusion for checking in and all of our faithful viewers. Later

Harve