a flogging from Marge

I shy away from computers and writing while on vacation because it's too much like work for me. Now we're home and I've reaquainted myself thoroughly with the keyboard and monitor, as well as digested our voyage sufficiently to provide a bit of a flog (food log). Here goes, in no particular order and feel free to read in installments. You know I do go on.

With our usual curiosity, we did our best to search out local specialties, yet it took us a while to get beyond the equivalent of "everywhere" food. Yes, we discovered that in most eating establishments, the menu varied little one from the other. Five or six ubiquitous items from which to choose:
#1 Fish & Chips
This was often called either Breaded or Battered Haddock. At one place they even gave me the choice. When I asked which was better, the pleasantly plump waitress informed me that the breaded was "healthier, of course," but the battered.... Being a "health" writer in a sense, I was actually stalled for a moment as I considered her "of course." Is it really healthier, I wondered? I'm still wondering, but I ordered the beer-battered variety in the name of authenticity. It, and most all we tried on the trip were more than palatable, though the chips really only had the satisfying crispiness in one place on the whole trip, sadly. Sometimes served with peas or "mushy peas," which is like extra thick pea soup on the plate.
#2 Steak Pie
Huge variations here, depending on the establishment, though only one's decor and atmosphere gave me any clue on how to judge the "pie's" pending quality...or lack of in that case. This was basically a beef stew served on a plate topped with a toasty rectangle of puff pastry. Some were decent, but in my mind I always envisioned a free-standing work of pastry completely encasing the beef and gravy. Finally, on a dreary day in Edinburgh I encountered it in all its golden glory at the pub next to the statue of Greyfriar's Bobby. The day was brighter thereafter. Almost always served with chips...occasionally with "mash" instead, sometimes with "veg."
#3 Macaroni Cheese
Note the lack of "and" here, much like the dialect that omits unnecessary words. Well, thankfully, in all cases, the cheese was not ommitted as unnecessary. And no matter the establishment, this arrived in a single-serving casserole dish, bubbly and crusted in the lovely fashion that reminded me of the fabulous Macaroni & Cheese at The Union in Clarksville, Michigan. Often served with chips.
# 4 Wholetail Scampi
Though this was almost everywhere, we never tried it and I forgot to look around the various dining establishments to see what it was. Somehow I doubt missing this particular local menu choice is a reason to return. Oh, I'm sure it is served with chips.
#5 Stuffed Baked Potato
Hey, here's something not served with chips! But can you guess what it IS served with? Most places offered it stuffed with the choice of chili, tuna mayonnaise (tuna salad), cheddar cheese & pickle (a chutney relish that wasn't bad) or baked beans. Aside from the cheddar & pickle I also had the good fortune of discovering one stuffed with haggis. How could I refuse, and all jokes aside, I really enjoyed it. Of course I'm an organ-meats kinda gal (all jokes STILL aside).

So, now I know exactly why the renowned restaurant (that we unfortunately never made it to) in Glasgow is called The Ubiquitous Chip. After all these, I also realized that a visitor to the U.S. would probably feel the same way about our own common menus with hamburger, cheeseburger, fish & chips (!), Caesar salad with chicken, chili and chicken fingers for the kids.

A few of the places did offer a unique item. Sometimes it was pizza. My favorite though was the very first night we were there. I order smoked fish cakes. They turned out to be tennis ball shaped and sized, "glued" together with mashed potatoes and breaded with big crumbs (almost panko). They rested in a thin lemon sauce and came with al dente steamed whole green beans on the side. If I had known the forthcoming dearth of crunchy green vegetables, I would have savored each bean a little bit more. Peas or carrots were the usual (besides chips).

In Glasgow we completely lucked out. We were getting hungry while walking up and down the pedestrian shopping street, Buchanan and hadn't seen much that looked promising. There was a huge ostentatious deco metal peacock over a building and we went to see what the place was. Turns out it was a food court of sorts in a 4-story shopping mall, but not like we find in our suburban malls. All the restaurants appeared pretty decent. We had a choice! Fortunately, they posted their menus so we chose the one that offers the way we like to eat--smorgasbord style, even if the name, "Fifi & Ally" was a bit of a turn off. They had several different "boards" on their menu. We sat down to the Celtic Board and the Cheese Board. We hit the jackpot. My favorite things were thin prosciutto-like slices of smoked lamb and smoked venison, and a 1-inch thick rectangle of cheese similar to farmer's cheese with an outside edge of something crunchy and nutlike. We finally figured out that it was minced oats...real whole oats, not rolled or what have you. There were also yummy homemade oat cakes (the traditional cracker-style accompaniment to cheese) and rowan berry jam that reminded me of beach plum jelly from Cape Cod with its lovely bittersweet flavor and deep red color.

Another favorite meal on the trip was a nearby "Smokehouse, Craftshop, Restaurant" that we had avoided checking out until nearly our departure because its curb appeal was lacking. Silly us. Who could say whether my Hot Seafood Platter or Harve's Cold Seafood Platter was the better? No, the hot platter was not a fry fest. On the contrary, it was mussels and crabs and prawns and other shellfish all served in the shell in a giant, dark wok-like ceramic dish that made me feel as though I had discovered a bottomless pot of treasure to dig into. The cold platter was served the same way and had a lovely little seafood pate' and a few types of smoked local salmon. After 2 weeks of chips, this fresh-tasting feast was heaven for us.

Some of you may have heard me brag that I was going to Scotland to learn how to become a Scotch drinker. I've actually been stating that as a goal for many years and thought this would be my opportunity. Well, because I was the driver (1362 miles in 14 days) and driving on the "wrong" side of the road and multitudinous roundabouts, during the day I stuck to a few well-spaced pints of fortifying, courage-building, "real ale," as it was always advertised. We did eventually make it to a whisky distillery on the Isle of Arran, however, and it was very satisfying. I am pleased to say that I now have the confidence and background information I need to begin opportunistic sampling of single malt Scotch as the occasions do present themselves...which is all I have ever meant by wanting to be a "Scotch drinker."

To be continued.